It was a long ride back to Vancouver.
My friends and I had just spent a few days out in the Okanagan when I suddenly had a bad Crohn’s attack. In pain the night before we left, I wasn’t able to sleep. By morning, the pain was only getting worse.
I have a routine I follow when these kinds of attacks happen, and we headed to the drug store to pick up a few things that would knock me out for most of the trip back.
After the car ride and the meds, I was doing ok. Not great, but serviceable, and able and eager to move a little.
It was the last night we’d be in BC, and I wanted to head to sunset beach. And so, I set out.
It was a slow walk. Slower than I’m used to. Slower than I would have normally taken. But at least it was a walk. It felt good to get the street under my feet in an attempt to make me feel like I hadn’t wasted the day passed out in the back of a car.
The slow walk was good, though, and as I got closer to the water, the smell lifted my spirits. I was planning for some quiet contemplation. A chance to relax, maybe go over some of the photos I took on the trip, maybe write a little.
When I got to the beach, it was packed. I have never seen this many people down there. Granted I’ve only been a handful of times, and some of those were winter, but still. I danced my way through the crowds trying my best to find a space that I could carve out to be mine. Finally I found some driftwood, tucked myself into a corner, and just sat and watched.
The sky started to turn gold.
I had always seen those gradient photos of where one colour permeates the entire space with objects just shades of black, but I was witnessing it for the first time in person. I stared for a while before I remembered why I was there. I quickly started shooting, getting whatever I could before the light vanished.
That’s when I noticed some people on a small set of rocks out in the distance. Someone turning themself towards the light, facing the sunset head-on. It wasn’t just about the act, it was the stance that really caught me; welcoming but steadfast.
I had been in therapy for a couple of years by this point, and that image of this individual was resonating with me. It was a stance I wish I could take.
Bold and calm. Not afraid to put themselves forward even as the light fades.
I’m not sure that was what that person had in mind, but it struck me all the same.
I don’t know who I’m going to be on a day-to-day basis. Between the person I need to be at work, the person I want to be in life, and who I am to my loved ones, these people aren’t all the same. But I’d like to think, as I look at this photo, that maybe I could find a good balance or the courage to just be me.
