Longing
I’ve lived in Toronto for the vast majority of my life, but I hadn’t been to the Scarborough Bluffs.
In 2023, friends finally dragged me out, and I got to know the space a bit more. It has become a place I try and drag more people to, bringing my photographer friends and anyone who will spend the time with me to just walk around the space.
On a July night, the dragged-out person was a friend who wasn’t that interested in the photography but just needed to clear their head.
So we headed down, and they drew a little as I walked and took photos. We had passed golden hour and were well into blue hour. Sometimes even more beautiful in the right place, and that night seemed to be exactly that.
As a storyteller, I start creating tales of the folks at the park that night; The couple on a first date, the older couple who are there every night, the friends out for a laugh catching up on the day, the family out because their kids love to see the boats.
It was then that I caught sight of a woman and her stance and pose looked like something straight out of any classic film.
She was just staring out at the darkening sky and the sailboats off in the distance.
Did she know someone on them? Was she wishing she was out there? Was she lost in the moment as well?
She stood and started and I thought the visual was slightly haunting. Like she was missing someone, lost in a memory of a different time and brought back in the pink and blue light.
It felt like a lost love.
And as I thought about that emotion, I felt that split feeling of emptiness and love that only comes when you had something that is no longer there. A phantom feeling.
It’s not a feeling I know personally, but it was one I was trying to connect with.
I’m not sure when I started walling off parts of my emotional self, but it’s something my therapist and I have been trying to work on. Photography and storytelling have become important parts of that process. Connecting with emotions through my lens and words.
As I continue to grow in my arts, the hope for me is to continue to open myself up again to feelings, both happy and sad, and allow my art to grow along with me.